Welcome to the Center’s ongoing exploration of the Third-Culture experience! “Third Culture” refers to a person shaped by the culture of their parents, the culture(s) of the places they’ve lived, and the unique blend that forms as a result. Many members of our international community in Taiwan navigate this multicultural identity, and it’s this shared experience that connects them.
If you’re interested in contributing your own story as a Third-Culture individual, we’d love to hear from you! Email us at program@communitycenter.org.tw
By Ruby Farley
As a Third Culture Kid I’ve been shaped by all the places I’ve been fortunate enough to live, but at the same time, I don’t fit into one singular culture. I feel like I have bits of a few cultures rather than a complete one. I think my brother and sister are the only people who truly understand my experience because they share it. As I am about to move on to college, I will miss my family but I feel well-prepared: I’ve learned how to move, but I’m not sure I know how to leave my family.
I have lived most of my life abroad. Both of my parents are teachers, my mother, who has a doctorate in education, has worked in special education, English Language Acquisition (ELA) and now works in academic support, and my father has always been a history teacher.
My dad lived in Taiwan 25 years ago after college where he studied Chinese history and spent a semester in Beijing. After he came back to the U.S. and married my mother, they worked in public schools in Denver, Colorado for 10 years. My dad always wanted to move back to Asia but my mom felt more conflicted. After 10 years of convincing, my mother finally agreed.
We moved to Seoul, South Korea, when my twin sister and I were five, and my brother was two. As a kid I never really thought about why we moved, only that I enjoyed living in Korea and how accessible it was to see other nearby countries; Cambodia, Japan, Thailand, and other countries that were only a few hours away by plane.
I loved living in Korea and attending international school. I was able to see what a different culture looked like while also getting to experience my own. Celebrating Chuseok and Thanksgiving at school. Hearing both English and Korean on the playgrounds. Looking back, it also makes me remember the strong foreign community. When I was in 3rd grade, my father broke his arm in 3 places and my twin and I were the only ones home, but my friend and his mom came in less than 10 minutes to take him to the hospital.
I’m beyond grateful to not only have experienced a culture outside of my own first hand, but to have done it with other people that my family and I could rely on and enjoy spending time with. Recently, we went back to Korea and nostalgia was everywhere. From the architecture alone it was like I was 5 again. We went back to our old neighborhood and I remember it so well. All the places I frequented and all the memories I made in my formative years.
After four years in Korea, my parents decided that it was time to move to a new country.
They got jobs at an international school in Tianjin, China. Living in China was a different experience entirely. We lived a 30 minute bullet train away from Beijing. The train alone was phenomenal. Beijing itself is a remarkable city, with so many people and things to do. If you ever find yourself in Beijing I highly recommend 789 Art District, Sanlitun, and, of course, Shake Shack (which was one of the few in Asia at the time).
We went to the Great Wall of China so many times that I got bored — The Great Wall of China! I got to see the terracotta warriors in person three times. I got to see so many of the big landmarks but I got to make my own landmarks as well: The crabapple stand near my school, the huge outdoor market where we got all our groceries, the smaller grocery near our house that my siblings and I went to all the time for snacks.
With that said, I found it harder to socialize in this new setting. I remember for a few years learning to ignore Chinese because it was easier than trying to be a part of the conversation. I’ve undone it now, but for a long time I had a hard time actively listening to conversations in Chinese because it was extra effort that I had learned to avoid.
COVID-19 hit us first, being in China. At the time, I was so annoyed because my Model United Nations conference was canceled just a few weeks before it was scheduled. After realizing it was bigger than just canceled events, the annoyance became understanding of the situation.
That was mid-February. Looking back at 2020, I remember it being hard being alone but it made my family and me so much closer. On Saturdays at 9:00 a.m. my siblings and I would all sit on the couch and play Minecraft with my cousins on the other side of the world. On weekdays, our family would take a break from online school together, eating lunch while watching The Price is Right which streamed through our local cable package. By the end of lockdown I hated box-ramen because I had it every single day for lunch — but walking with my sister to the grocery every single day made it worth it.
Eventually, we were allowed back in school with masks. I remember feeling so alone, and so I did what my Dad taught me, I brought a book. I read over 60 books that year. COVID-19, strangely enough, made me feel more connected to my home culture. Although COVID itself was horrific, watching people come together online during the lockdown was incredible. I got to become closer with my extended family. I understood American pop culture references even when they weren’t used in my day to day conversations with people.
During the summer break, China was open within its borders but very restrictive to those coming in from other countries. This meant that we would not return for our usual summer visit to the U.S. We decided to make the most of it and we spent that summer backpacking across Southwest China. We visited some of the most beautiful places in China (Chengdu, Siguniangshan, Tagong, Grasslands, Litang, Yading, Shangri-La Yunnan, Tiger Leaping Gorge, Lijiang, Shaxi, Dali, and Sanya). Being able to see so many ways of living, landscapes, and people was incredible.
The school year after that, 2022, Tianjin and a few other areas in China experienced another lockdown. This time wasn’t like the time before. In 2020, we just stayed inside and that was that. In 2022, however, we had to get tested for COVID-19 every week, sometimes even twice a week. They would use a megaphone to alert people that it was time to line up. In the beginning, the lines took hours.
This time however, we were allowed to see other people if they were in our section of the neighborhood. There were two other families with kids my age who went to my school that I was acquaintances with. Six of us — two from each family — became great friends and I feel so lucky to have met them. Two of them Colombian-Venezuelan, two of them German, and me and my twin American. I loved being able to see the culture they had, especially my Colombian-Venezuelan friends because their mom made incredible food (shout out to their mom). This was the first friend group that I understood what a comfortable silence was. This was the first friend group that I felt I could fully confide in and joke without any worry. Saying goodbye to them was so hard, but I did it anyway.
Flying from China to the U.S. was one of the most stressful things we’ve ever done, but we ended up getting to the airport with only a few issues. The flight information board at PEK listed only one single flight: Paris. The airport was eerie-all the shops were closed, no food or drinks for sale, almost all the lights were off, only one plane on the runway. We flew to Paris and once we touched France we were able to let out a sigh of relief. It meant that we were out of China and that the major complications were avoided.
We then flew to Washington D.C. and from there drove to my grandparents house in Pennsylvania. It was so strange to be back in my country after three years away. I had culture shock even though it was and still is my culture. That summer was a huge transition period. We were moving to a new country, yet we were back in our home country, and we were seeing people that we hadn’t seen in years.
We moved to Taiwan after this — and, I might be biased because I live here now — but Taipei is my favorite place I’ve lived. Moving here, I tested positive for COVID-19 and my mom and I had to go to a quarantine hotel. On the drive to our new house in Tianmu, I couldn’t help but stare out at my new city. I got to see Taipei 101 for the first time, the people, but most remarkably, all the green. Taipei is the most natural place I’ve lived and it is one of my favorite things about it. I was in awe of my new home.
Settling in was hard. I was starting over, I had no clue where I was and I had no friends. The first few months were so difficult. In Mandarin class people would make fun of my tones and would call me “white girl”. I learned so much and gained more confidence than when I was in Tianjin but I still felt awkward about my language skills. Now, I feel a lot more confident, even being able to make and go to a doctor’s appointment in Mandarin. Eventually I made friends and got to know my way around. I joined cross country, Model U.N. again — and, although I had no idea then how much of a difference it would make, pottery class. These places made me feel safe. The pottery studio especially.
Now, as a high school graduate, having gone my entire K-12 experience abroad, I cannot help but feel grateful for all of it. I loved living abroad and getting to learn Mandarin and culture in Asia. I’m most grateful for my language skills. Despite my Mandarin not being fluent, I love being able to talk to people here in their language. One time my brother asked me why I try to speak Mandarin when people speak English and I didn’t have a reply. But to me, as a guest, it’s important to me that I’m not making the people around me feel like they need to accommodate me.
Now, I am about to move back to the U.S. for the first time for college. I’m scared. I’m a foreigner in my own country. People assume I’m American because of my accent but it only touches the surface of where I’m from. I’m scared that I won’t ever feel like it’s my home. If the U.S. isn’t my home, where is? Am I a foreigner everywhere?
Living abroad, I haven’t had to grapple with these questions because, of course, America is home. But now I’m actually going back. I’m so excited to be in college, and to meet new people, and to learn, and to join clubs. It’s more so going back and grappling with my identity and the question of home. With that said, I know that I will always be able to come back to my parents house. I will always have my family, and my family is home.
Ruby Farley
My name is Ruby Farley, and I recently graduated high school. I decided to volunteer at the Center to fill up my time in a meaningful way. At the Center, I’ve been helping organize, update decorations, and write articles. I have lived abroad my entire life and am trying to soak up life in Taiwan before I move back to the States for college. Outside of volunteering, I enjoy doing ceramics, reading, and going on stunning hikes in Taiwan!
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